Fear – In Life & Sport

Fear.

I think I am only now beginning to understand the impact that ‘fear’ has had on me. Fear of failure in sport, business, and fear of being me and not being liked.  

Like stress, it’s not that we want to remove fear completely but we don’t want it to prevent us doing what we want to do in life, sport or limit us becoming who we want to be, for fear of being judged. Fear can protect us from hurt but prevent us from the true expression of our purpose, skills and passion.

I have had some big realisations recently. The first was how clear I was about working in professional sport with people I admire and wanted to support. I did whatever it took to get there, then I did whatever I could to show my value and impact the group in a positive way.

Here is what I realised though, that commitment and drive to be part of elite and highly successful organisations had implications for who I was without that close network of highly successful people. When I moved on from Dublin and Leinster it felt like I was starting again. In truth I was, but for different reasons on a different path. It is hard to believe but I often wondered if I would ever feel as confident and fulfilled as I did in those roles.

It’s 2 years since I moved on and it feels like a lifetime ago. In truth, it has taken all of that time to accept that phase of being fully involved (your whole mind focused in one area) is really over and identify as a business owner, nutritionist and leader of performance in a different way. It has also taken a long time to let go of the ‘fear’ of judgement that can exist from doing something ‘different’ to the standard role of being in sport. The fear of what people will think. More specially, those people you admire most. Mashing potatoes and dancing around the kitchen, will people actually like and respect who I really am? Can you really be yourself?

Not being liked is grand… The next realisation. Last year my family and I did Room to Improve with RTE. It consumed most of our lives and time for 6 months but we were committed to the process. Last January, the show was aired and over 700,000 people watched it. Before the show came out I said to my wife Sandra to expect some potential negative comments but to ignore them! That some of it was inevitable. Little did I know that it would be me that would get the ‘stick’! We were delighted with the show and the overall experience was a positive one. We have a home we love and we felt the show was a good reflection of the experience. I didn’t go looking for what people thought on social media but it still came through my phone. People sent me things, links and screenshots for fun, lots of it was harmless but one night when Sandra was asleep I got sent a link to my messages and I found myself reading some pretty nasty comments. At first I laughed at it but it buried its way into my head.

Here is what I didn’t expect. After a few weeks and doing a lot of reflection about the whole experience I did something my dad used to talk a lot about, ‘I let go’, I actually let go. Something changed in me and how I viewed the negativity. It is not that I ever want to read negative comments, it’s not that I want to incite negative comments or negative feedback on my work but the fear I had of what people say has certainly reduced. It’s not gone but it’s nothing like it was before, on reflection it was exactly what I needed, it allowed me to push past a lot of thoughts and emotions that were likely holding me back. I am who I am, if people don’t like it, that’s ok.

Since having that experience, over the past number of weeks I have been amazed how many people have shared things with me that have highlighted just how many of us live with that fear. The phrase ‘be yourself’ is probably the hardest thing you can do in life but there is great freedom when you do. I think the biggest thing I have learned is that being yourself is a process, ‘the fear’ and level of fear in one’s life is relevant to where you are and who you want to be.  The other key thing is I have a small group of people who I love, trust, and care about who have my back. These are people who always show up and are there if I need them. That support helps so much. I remember hearing former Dublin Footballer Kevin McMenamon talking about the stamp concept where you only trust or take the opinions of a number of people you could write on a stamp, that works very well for me.  

I am working on being closer and closer to who I want to be and I encourage you to do the same. Why I am writing this I am not really sure, I know there is someone that will read it and hopefully back themselves that little bit more. Let’s see where it takes us.